A Tale of Two Pretties

SEE WHAT I DID THERE.

WORD UP. It's been a while, kids. Hrrm hrrm.

Yeah, no, I'm really sorry about the whole ignoring my blog for like a year thing... I'm just really lazy. Not really. Well, I am, but life got in the way, school got crazy busy and then finals week was literally like burning in the fiery pits of the adversary. And then Prom...

Actually, kids, take note. If you ever find yourself planning your own prom, just stop. Stop it. Give all the frilly flowery junk to your mom and make a smoothie or something because DANG planning your own prom is the most stressful thing you will have to do as a teenager. Srsly.

So anyways...

Hi! Man, I have a lot to catch up on. I don't even know where to start! Errm... Let's start with the "shortish and about men" comment I made last post. Remember? The comment I made four months ago?

Or whatever.

Men. Right. So there's this guy. He's basically one of my favorite people, ever. His name is Scott. He's a really good guy, CRAZY cool! He bikes, is the captain of his baseball team, he works on cars, works at a broadcasting station and hates PC. Also, he has a great smile. So Scott.

I met Scott in the L.A. Temple when I was in Cali around New Years, remember that? Okay, good. So we met in the temple. It was really funny because all my girlfriends were like, "Ooh Ellie we need to find you a man so you won't be sad anymore" and I was like "Gee thanks for believing that my personal happiness is completely dependent on men."

Haha, jk, it is.

So after that amazing temple trip, all the girls were like, "So who do you like? because they basically introduced me to every guy in their stake and I was like "Scott's nice" and they were like "OMG YOU LIKE SCOTT?" and I was just like "... Scott's nice."

Yup! Scott's nice.

But anyways. We didn't actually start talking until after I left, and I felt pretty strongly that I should talk to him!

Side note: It isn't uncommon that I have strong feelings to talk to attractive men, errm hrrm. End side note.

So we started talking! And since January I can say that Scott and I have become really great friends! So now you're probably wondering the point of this story.

The point is that friends are nice. Just kidding, it's way more than that. During a really gloomy time in my life I was blessed with some really awesome friends who brought a smile to my face and helped me focus on someone other than myself. In this case, Scott really does make me smile! But it was really fun for me to have drama-free conversation and be able to focus on whatever he was struggling with instead of wallowing in self-pity. More on Scott will surely come later!


Right. Now we get to the CRAZY stuff.

So there's this girl. Her name is Lauren. I called her "Idaho Girl" for a long time because I didn't actually know her at all. So here's what happened.

Let's rewind wayyyy back to July of 2011 in California. Mac and I were wandering hand in hand around the mall just chatting and enjoying each others' company. We were discussing past relationships )great first date, right?) and he mentioned this girl from Idaho, Lauren. He said that she was his first kiss and they had had a bad falling out, which to me meant that they had broken it off. By this point I had completely emotionally invested myself in Mac, and I kind of assumed it worked both ways, so I thought nothing of it.

Around the beginning of August I noticed some back-and-forth wall posts between this Lauren girl and Mac. Once again I didn't make any connection until months later.

Only after the accident did I start noticing very amorous wall posts that mirrored my own coming from this Lauren chick. She seemed really all over Mac, like she owned him or something.

Who did she think she was?? Pleaaaase. So this jealousy thing raged on for a few months until out of the compassion of my heart I friended this girl and let her know that I was there for her. I mean, how could we not get to know each other? Of all the people in the whole world, Lauren knew best what I was going through so I thought it would work out to my advantage.

Well. We went back and forth for a while talking about Mac and our experiences with him and whatnot. I thought for sure that would curb my jealousy, but nope! (Chuck Testa.)

Haha... Get it? Chuck Testa? No? Okay. Just Google it.

Anyways, the jealousy grew and grew. I was difficult to handle, and really, I felt intense dislike for this girl. She was stealing my man! And he was mine, gosh dang it! They were over, he had told me. Promised me, in fact.

And this is the moment when I look back and shake my head at a very immature and naive Ellie.


I have this really bad habit of believing everything boys say to me. If I have any miniscule amount of feeling towards a guy and he compliments me or says something sweet I automatically take it as proof that he likes me. (Really, I'm cool.) So I believed Mac. What's the problem?

Ah. The problem was, of course, something that I wish more teenagers understood. I had trusted someone that I barely knew. I had basically given him my whole heart, too. So after all that, he ended up letting me down. That was the hardest part - realizing that maybe everything I had previously believed was not totally true. I'll get more to that later, though. First we continue with Lauren.


So, Valentine's Day 2012. It was actually a glorious day. I think my friends had been anticipating me being in a depressive mood, so they made it the best day I could have hoped for! One of my best friends, Cheyenne, telephonically sent me a Val-o-gram (like, a singing telegram of love?) and my friend Holly made me red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting! (My absolute favorite!) It was quite a lovely day!

Until, of course, night came around. There's something crazy lonely about the dark. It makes a small room seem infinite and empty. So there I was, trapped in the dark, all by myself, crying my eyes out in basic agony. I had been in denial all day about my mental stability and in that moment everything just came crashing down. It was probably about one in the morning when in my basically drunken emotional state I messaged Lauren on Facebook. For some reason I felt this overwhelming guilt that first, I had an amazing day and I would've felt bad if she didn't, and second that I had basically stolen Mac from her, and no girl should ever have to experience that. So there and then I sent her a long rambly message and soon thereafter got a reply!

Basically, I apologized for stealing Mac from Lauren and expressed my intense sorrow because of my past actions. She replied with a thank you, and then said something I was not at all expecting.

She explained that she probably would have been a very interesting individual towards me if I had succeeded in taking Mac away from her.

Uhuh... Wut.

I asked her to expand on that, and she said that Mac thought I was a sweet girl but I wasn't "his cup of tea".

I don't know if you've ever experienced betrayal, but I hope not because it sucks. Think about it. You've become horribly infatuated with a young man that you barely know. You share your first kiss with him because you think that he is worth it. You try and spend every last moment with him and when you aren't with him you talk on the phone nonstop. You think he loves you and you alone, and you count down every hour til you see him again, but before you get the chance to, he is gone. A part of your very soul is ripped away, leaving a gaping hole that you try desperately to fill. The only reason you get up in the morning is to go out and search for a reason to live and prove your strength to his ghost. You write constantly about how much you miss him and try to sort out your thoughts through your writing and your music. Every night the darkness hits you and you sob yourself to sleep. Everything is about him, and everything reminds you of him. You keep his picture close by for comfort and maybe to find some proof that there are angels. Life without him seems dreary, dull, and not worth living, but you press on regardless. You think you're special and special to him because he made you feel beautiful.

And then with a few small words all those feelings get ripped to shreds.

Now, you might be thinking, "Ellie, this is sounding pretty cliche and sobby. A little... dramatic, even."

And I shudder, because using the word "drama" to describe me makes me want to punch a wall and extract my brain through my ears with a spoon.

Not sure if you recall, but Mac was one of the most amazing people I've ever met. Yes, my views on the whole issue have changed quite a bit since I first met him, but he as a person never changed to me. He is still funny, witty, flirty, and talented. He is still the most handsome young man I've ever laid eyes on. He is a hopeless romantic and very much in love with his family.

Continuing: I was horrified and angry. I briefly considered that maybe Lauren was lying, but what only a crazy person would gain from pulling another so wounded down, and I was pretty positive she wasn't crazy.

And so then I faced the inevitable. Everything I previously believed was wrong.

Back to Mac, he was a human person just like the rest of us. He was a flawed teenage boy who didn't really know how to control his situation, just like any other teenager. At first I was shocked and really angry at him. How could he do that to me? After all I had done for him, he had let me down. But I have this thing that I do, where I always forgive someone. I just can't stay mad! (Please do not test this out.)

But after lots of reflecting on life, I realized, hey. I have a really awesome story to write for my blog.

And so I forgave Mac in my heart. I just kind of knew he knew of his mistakes. I also knew that Mac and I shared something very unique, and I appreciate that deeply. We shared common ground with our music and our affection for one another, and I believe that is all that counts.

Back to Lauren, because if my forgiveness thing, I felt very strongly that Lauren and I needed to stay friends, or at least be on good terms with one another. And so after we fought a very catty fight and I unfriended her with all my anger, (haha I'm mature) I sent Lauren THE LONGEST apology message in the history of Facebook, ever.

Something really cool about Lauren: She's all full of spunk and flare, and she sticks to her emotions. Well, after out little fight and my long apology, something miraculous happened. I really think Mac was working hard on the other side to get us to love each other, because this girl let it all go. She let all the anger and resentment towards me go, and accepted my apology, even noting that her feelings towards me and the whole situation changed.

And so from that point on, Lauren and I have become the greatest of friends, and I hope we become even closer in the months and years to come. That's what is so unique about our relationship, is that we know exactly how the other person feels. We've shared all the same experiences, almost exact, really, and we've grown from that. I'm really grateful for our fight, because I never would have forgiven her and forgiven myself if we hadn't fought.

Moral? No matter what two individuals feel towards each other, Heavenly Father and his angels* can soften their hearts and bring them together in love.

*Mac

I've learned that Lauren is a beautiful, talented individual with passion for all that she does. Her and I are working together to move on from Mac and start new lives with new friends, helping each other out along the way.

Also, friendship is magic. (See what I did there...) And forgiveness is inevitable, as is guilt. I've forgiven Mac and Lauren and been forgiven in return. There is nothing more humbling than a second chance!

Or a third chance, or a fourth chance, or a fifth chance...

Dang, I'm a lucky kid. :)

Stay tuned for my next tale: PROM!! Coming to the interwebs near you! (Hopefully not Internet Explorer. At least Firefox, if not Chrome.)

Good day, sir, I said, good day.