Ellie's Feelings Deli

Being in Rexburg for the last year has been the one of the harder experiences of my life. Adjusting to Rexburg from Provo was hard. My depression and anxiety spiked drastically when I got married, and I felt completely alone and isolated in a town where I had little to no support. When I tried to reach out and explain my frustrations and my heartache, I was told: "Well, at least you're married" and "You can't complain because you have a husband. I'm single and life is so much harder when you're single." (what) "BYU-I is better and if you don't like it you should just move." (what?) "I'm offended that you don't like it here. I love it, so why shouldn't you?" (what???) And my favorite, "Maybe you don't like it here because you're having ~spiritual issues." (WTF??????) These were people I barely knew, people I hadn't talked to in months, people I did not regularly talk to, people who knew n...

I literally have no introduction to this post so it's probably gonna jump around a lot and be sad but you know, the Ellie Bolander way is the way of the yolo so... #yolo Today (now yesterday) was May the 4th (May the 4th be with you) and it was a blast, we dressed up and got together and watched A New Hope (arguably the best of the original trilogy) and actually spent most of the night talking about boys but what else do you expect? Nerd girls have the most active hormones, I'm pretty sure. I know for a fact they have the most pent-up sexual frustration from all their love for fictional men, but hey, at least we have fun. I've also met the coolest (and cutest) dudes because of my obnoxious  encyclopedic knowledge of all things Marvel, Doctor Who, and Hobbit. (Not LotR, unfortunately, I'm still not quite hardcore enough to delve all the way into that trilogy. Tolkein is still a little too over my head.) I just reread what I just typed and I'm not even sure. SO ANY...

To accompany this post, you need to put on some headphones and play "Sometime Around Midnight" by the Airborne Toxic Event, and then put on "Sovereign Light Cafe" by Keane next. Got it? Almost ready? Good. Now that we have that taken care of, let's talk about BYU. The school year has come to an end, and as I reflect on what crazy shenanigans I took part in, I can't help but feel overjoyed, slightly sorrowful, guilty, and finally consumed with thought. I am now chilling in California enjoying a much-needed break after a ridiculously stressful, emotionally- and spiritually-stretching Freshman year, and deeply missing all the people I met, all the sights and sounds, the mundane tasks that occurred every day from September to April that I didn't think of while I was doing them but now wish I could do again, the mistakes I made, the mistakes I didn't make, and the people I wish I had more time with. I think the deepest regret a person can have is th...

Hellooooo! It's late, my contacts are killing my eyes, I'm way tired, and having three really awesome conversations with three really awesome people (Elysse, Taylor, Cheyenne). I was sitting on the couch and reblogging some Avengers stuff on Tumblr when I looked next to me on the couch and it was empty and the basement was dimly lit and it was cold and I was like, Man, this is usually how it is. I usually end up at home by myself and obsessively latch to the internet to feed my growing need to be communicating with people 24/7. So tonight was one of those nights, right, I'm juss chillin' like a villain in my (wo)man cave and I was like, Man, I'm lonely right now. And I look to my right and the plaid cotton stretches away from me for miles and miles, and it's cold and untouched, and I'm like I really need to stop thinking deeply about couches So then this line shows up in my head: "I long for you to come inside the loneliness where I reside....

HEEHEE I AM SO EXCITED TO TELL YOU ABOUT MAC!! This is a recap for all you squares who were too lazy to actually read through my last post and instead just skimmed it. Which is hurtful, btdubbs. XP <-- That's me, giving you a raspberry full of hurt and sad feelings, kind of like holding a cold, empty mug of hot cocoa, consumed long ago... Anyways... I figured I should give y'all a visual of my star-crossed devotee. (Remember, because "lover" is weird for everyone.) Add charm, talent, wit, and chocolate brown eyes, and what do you get? Hot. Dang. You get a worthy, virtuous and kind young man who can play the piano and guitar like a boss, who loves and respects his family and all those he comes into contact with, and who just oozes with the glow of the Gospel, along with dashing good looks. Also, his smile can literally knock an entire crowd of people right off their feet. Oh yeah. That weird chick in the picture is me. (Hahaha... I typoed it and it ...

Maybe not. But I think that it’s pretty dang fantastic. I am apologizing now for my last two posts, you’re probably thinking, “What’s this chick’s deal? Thinks she can just come in and BLOG AND BE ALL LAME ABOUT IT, HUH!?” Again, I apologize. I am a) SUPER mega lazy, and b) writing a speech about the conspiracies behind Abraham Lincoln’s death. Ooh! Conspiracies! Anyways… I promise that this post, at least, will be supermegafoxyawesome(hot). In fact, one day if you run into me on the street or in Heaven or something, please do stop me and say, “Ellie, dearest. Would you please recur to me your wonderful love story? I find it oh so fascinating.” And to that I will reply, “Oh, darling, of course I can repeat my wonderful love story to you!” All in British accents, of course. Truth be told, I love telling this story. It brings back now bittersweet memories of a time when my life was charmed and extremely simple. Now… Not so much. But! I know that at one point in my existence, life was...