Ellie's Feelings Deli

So college. SWAGGY. This week has been the most amazing and fan-freaking-tastic week of my life thus far. In case you didn't know I'm attending Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. I'm living in New Heritage with the most amazing group of girls I've ever even... I don't even know, I just have a lot of emotions for them. [insert cheesy smile here] So right, if you follow this blog you'll notice I haven't posted in a thousand years. I've been dealing with things and haven't been emotionally... ready?... to write again. But now I'm ready to write again. :) Right, so I'm not really sure where to go from here. Uhh college. Sooo... Yeah. Anyways. It is currently 4:15 AM and I am hanging out with one of my roommates deep talking the Gospel and life and stuff and it's just pretty amazing, like wow. Anyways, college! Living on my own is SICK BEANS. I LOVE it, so so much. Eating Spaghetti-Os and grape juice every day is just heave...

Like, real college (no offense to Pikes Peak Community College). Er, maybe a little offense. So! I got accepted to Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah and I'm 89% sure that is the school I will be attending in the fall! Whoops the GIFs are back sorry not sorry And just as a side note, let me tell you. Getting into BYU is not an easy feat. Some people just assume that if you're Mormon and you apply to BYU, you get in. OHOHO, LET ME TELL YOU. The acceptance rate at BYU for last year was 64%. Which may seem like a lot, but they had over 15,000 freshmen applications for the 2013 school year. So that leaves 5,400 students un-Cougared. Cougarless. De-Cougarfied. But I'm stoked. I FINALLY have a somewhat conclusive life plan. And by "somewhat conclusive" I mean the plan I'm going to follow until God steps in and changes my direction, my life, and my perception. Something to look forward to, I guess. One thing I'm kinda super bummed about ...

"new year new me lol" ~ every girl on Facebook Unfortunately I'm doing exactly that... It's a new year, and there has to be a new me. I believe in change, a constant desire to better yourself. You can still be confident in yourself and your abilities but have a goal to be a better person, because there's always room for improvement. After an utterly horrid start to senior year, I've had to change a lot of things. I dug myself into a very deep, very dangerous hole and I've been working for the past three weeks to not only climb back out, but to fill that hole up so there's no chance I can fall back in like I did before. Anyways. I have a lot of things that need to change if I want to achieve the big-headed, ambitious goals that I have. Starting with my sadness. I've been trying to pin point where these depressive moods are coming from. I have a few theories, but it's a big messy mixture of lots of things... Led by guilt and self-loathing...

I've been struggling for the past... Heck, it's been almost two months. For the past six weeks I've had a crushing weight on my mind that hasn't seemed to go away until today. This afternoon, actually. Life has been a whirlwind of busy work for the past two weeks, what with finals for the past forever, and so I've had little time to regard things that aren't homework, exams, papers, and notes. But... Tonight I feel... Calm. Calmish, I should say. I don't have the blessing of total relaxation because I'm an insecure teenage girl and I hate waiting for a return text. Because that totally matters tonight, haha. Christmas has always been super exciting, right? You want to sleep next to the tree and catch Santa putting all the presents there, and you wake up before the sun to see what the fat man with the beard brought you. This year is different, though. This year I'm grown up. *gulp* At first I thought it was just me, but talking with friend...