Peace of Mind.
I've been struggling for the past... Heck, it's been almost two months. For the past six weeks I've had a crushing weight on my mind that hasn't seemed to go away until today. This afternoon, actually.
Life has been a whirlwind of busy work for the past two weeks, what with finals for the past forever, and so I've had little time to regard things that aren't homework, exams, papers, and notes. But...
Tonight I feel... Calm. Calmish, I should say. I don't have the blessing of total relaxation because I'm an insecure teenage girl and I hate waiting for a return text.
Because that totally matters tonight, haha.
Christmas has always been super exciting, right? You want to sleep next to the tree and catch Santa putting all the presents there, and you wake up before the sun to see what the fat man with the beard brought you.
This year is different, though. This year I'm grown up. *gulp*
At first I thought it was just me, but talking with friends I've realized they feel the same. There's this tension that I can't ignore and I wonder, why? What is this doing here? The Christmas season is usually my favorite time. It's sooo romantic. Crisp snow, sharp winter air, kissing under mistletoe, cuddling by the fire... *sigh*
The hopeless romantic inside of me is gross sobbing because oh, the feels. It's silly to be upset about things like this but... But...
When you just care about someone so flip-flopping much that you just feel gross and awkward in their presence because I don't know, I'm just me, and I just can't. Handle. All. These. Emotions.
So moving on...
It's Christmas Eve. It was a wonderful day, I got to hang with my fam and check out a cute boy and sing ridiculous songs with my sisters and listen to Christmas dub step (yes, that is a thing) with my broskinator. It was totally rad. And now that the night is coming to an end, I can't help but feel... Well, let me start off by saying this Christmas has felt the least Christmasy of all Christmases for, I dunno, reasons.
But because my family is all about tradition (TRADITIOOOOOOON, TRADITION) we sat and watched the Nativity movie with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and some Australian dude and Baby Jesus and also little kid Jesus and adult Jesus, but anyways.
We watched the Nativity movie that apparently we watch every year but I don't recall that at all?? My mom says so, so I'll roll with it. We watched the movie and I said family prayer and just wow. I just felt it. For the first time this depressing and stressful Christmas season I remembered what this is all about.
Everything, and I mean everything in the gospel leads back to the Atonement. All our covenants, all our scripture, all our prayers, are centered around and literally powered by Jesus Christ. I don't want to get preachy, but we forget. All the time. We are daily consumed by the world and all its blissful distractions and we forget how this is all possible. Our life on this earth could not have happened without God and the sacrifice His Son made so that we could be made new, born again, in the fire of the spirit, to learn and live and love...
And this holiday is all about that love. It's all about Jesus and how he loved each of us individually with such great magnitude that he came to this earth to be born of Mary and to lead the way in a dark and troubled world.
Gah. It's just awesome.
Now to awkwardly segway into some personal stuff...
In case you didn't know, I am no longer in a steady relationship (go me). It's all good, he's got a mission to go on and I've got college to go to. It was a mutual decision, and as far as breakups go, I would have to say it went very well. We are still really great friends and we hang out sometimes and it's super fun.
But man. This dude.... Is awesome. He just blows me away with his strength and his desire to be better... I mean, some people think he's a little rough around the edges but so is everyone so what. Ever.
Ha, anyways, every time I see him and we talk I just get all warm inside and uKashfkueshfkjhwdFuhalkdvlihjsd I'm such a teenage girl. But what I love about our relationship the very most is that we are so super chill with each other. Like whoa. I can fangirl about my dear sweet Avengers and he doesn't run away screaming. Awesome??
So yay, we dated and it was super great while it lasted and now it's over. As much as I wanted us to be in a relationship, after we broke up, this literal wave of just... peace... came over me and I knew I was doing the right thing. Now it feels right. Or, righter. More right. Whatever.
Moral 1: Dating is fun. It is better to keep it casual, though, no matter how smoking hot the individual involved is.
Moral 2: Always be nice. Even if you feel like being nasty and spewing all your frustrations out on someone, being kind is always, always, ALWAYS the better route to take. Mainly because if you're nasty to them, it is going to be two hundred billion times more awkward and mortifying if you just nasty broke up with someone and then you have to ask them literally two minutes later to help you get your car unstuck because you are a failure and an awful stereotypical female driver. (True story.)
Moral 2.5: Being nice is good because it's always lovely to have another friend instead of an eternal enemy. Your personal relationships carry through the veil after death and will stick with you throughout eternity, so just remember how uncomfortable it will be in the afterlife when you have to face your ex-whatever and you were a nasty jerk to them for your whole life. Plus, dating is meant to be fun. It says so in the Strength of Youth and in my patriarchal blessing, so make it fun by being friends. Friends is best. Best friends is even better. So don't be a nasty jerk.
Nasty jerk. Stop that. Be nice.
I fear I may have revealed too much of my personal life. I always have this insecurity issue whenever I blog about a cute boy. But then again, what are blogs for but to be my online diary?
Merry Christmas and a gloriously happy New Year,
Ellie xxooxOXoXOXO
P.S. If you're lucky enough to catch me under the mistletoe this year: XxxXXXXxXxXXxxXxXxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mwah. ;)
Life has been a whirlwind of busy work for the past two weeks, what with finals for the past forever, and so I've had little time to regard things that aren't homework, exams, papers, and notes. But...
Tonight I feel... Calm. Calmish, I should say. I don't have the blessing of total relaxation because I'm an insecure teenage girl and I hate waiting for a return text.
Because that totally matters tonight, haha.
Christmas has always been super exciting, right? You want to sleep next to the tree and catch Santa putting all the presents there, and you wake up before the sun to see what the fat man with the beard brought you.
This year is different, though. This year I'm grown up. *gulp*
At first I thought it was just me, but talking with friends I've realized they feel the same. There's this tension that I can't ignore and I wonder, why? What is this doing here? The Christmas season is usually my favorite time. It's sooo romantic. Crisp snow, sharp winter air, kissing under mistletoe, cuddling by the fire... *sigh*
The hopeless romantic inside of me is gross sobbing because oh, the feels. It's silly to be upset about things like this but... But...
When you just care about someone so flip-flopping much that you just feel gross and awkward in their presence because I don't know, I'm just me, and I just can't. Handle. All. These. Emotions.
So moving on...
It's Christmas Eve. It was a wonderful day, I got to hang with my fam and check out a cute boy and sing ridiculous songs with my sisters and listen to Christmas dub step (yes, that is a thing) with my broskinator. It was totally rad. And now that the night is coming to an end, I can't help but feel... Well, let me start off by saying this Christmas has felt the least Christmasy of all Christmases for, I dunno, reasons.
But because my family is all about tradition (TRADITIOOOOOOON, TRADITION) we sat and watched the Nativity movie with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and some Australian dude and Baby Jesus and also little kid Jesus and adult Jesus, but anyways.
We watched the Nativity movie that apparently we watch every year but I don't recall that at all?? My mom says so, so I'll roll with it. We watched the movie and I said family prayer and just wow. I just felt it. For the first time this depressing and stressful Christmas season I remembered what this is all about.
Everything, and I mean everything in the gospel leads back to the Atonement. All our covenants, all our scripture, all our prayers, are centered around and literally powered by Jesus Christ. I don't want to get preachy, but we forget. All the time. We are daily consumed by the world and all its blissful distractions and we forget how this is all possible. Our life on this earth could not have happened without God and the sacrifice His Son made so that we could be made new, born again, in the fire of the spirit, to learn and live and love...
And this holiday is all about that love. It's all about Jesus and how he loved each of us individually with such great magnitude that he came to this earth to be born of Mary and to lead the way in a dark and troubled world.
Gah. It's just awesome.
Now to awkwardly segway into some personal stuff...
In case you didn't know, I am no longer in a steady relationship (go me). It's all good, he's got a mission to go on and I've got college to go to. It was a mutual decision, and as far as breakups go, I would have to say it went very well. We are still really great friends and we hang out sometimes and it's super fun.
But man. This dude.... Is awesome. He just blows me away with his strength and his desire to be better... I mean, some people think he's a little rough around the edges but so is everyone so what. Ever.
Ha, anyways, every time I see him and we talk I just get all warm inside and uKashfkueshfkjhwdFuhalkdvlihjsd I'm such a teenage girl. But what I love about our relationship the very most is that we are so super chill with each other. Like whoa. I can fangirl about my dear sweet Avengers and he doesn't run away screaming. Awesome??
So yay, we dated and it was super great while it lasted and now it's over. As much as I wanted us to be in a relationship, after we broke up, this literal wave of just... peace... came over me and I knew I was doing the right thing. Now it feels right. Or, righter. More right. Whatever.
Moral 1: Dating is fun. It is better to keep it casual, though, no matter how smoking hot the individual involved is.
Moral 2: Always be nice. Even if you feel like being nasty and spewing all your frustrations out on someone, being kind is always, always, ALWAYS the better route to take. Mainly because if you're nasty to them, it is going to be two hundred billion times more awkward and mortifying if you just nasty broke up with someone and then you have to ask them literally two minutes later to help you get your car unstuck because you are a failure and an awful stereotypical female driver. (True story.)
Moral 2.5: Being nice is good because it's always lovely to have another friend instead of an eternal enemy. Your personal relationships carry through the veil after death and will stick with you throughout eternity, so just remember how uncomfortable it will be in the afterlife when you have to face your ex-whatever and you were a nasty jerk to them for your whole life. Plus, dating is meant to be fun. It says so in the Strength of Youth and in my patriarchal blessing, so make it fun by being friends. Friends is best. Best friends is even better. So don't be a nasty jerk.
Nasty jerk. Stop that. Be nice.
I fear I may have revealed too much of my personal life. I always have this insecurity issue whenever I blog about a cute boy. But then again, what are blogs for but to be my online diary?
Merry Christmas and a gloriously happy New Year,
Ellie xxooxOXoXOXO
P.S. If you're lucky enough to catch me under the mistletoe this year: XxxXXXXxXxXXxxXxXxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mwah. ;)
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