Ellie's Feelings Deli

I read my call, and it told me I was going to Uruguay. Awesome. But then I kept reading. And it said, "You have been found as one worthy to serve..." That felt weird. I didn't feel worthy. What does that even mean, being worthy? It's tricky, I think. Trickier than just saying, you're worthy vs you're unworthy. Because when I think of being worthy, I think of how I would feel standing in front of God. And honestly, I don't think anything I do could make me feel worthy of that. So what does that mean? Being "worthy" means having merit, being a person of merit, as oppose to having worth, which means being valued, appreciated, and noble. And the thing is that people constantly mix the two together, especially in certain religious cultures, where you are deemed "unworthy" and looked down on because of something you've done. But unworthy of what? A wonderful realization that I've come to this week is that we are never, ever,

Well, hey there, folks. Literally every time I start a new blog post I'm like, what did I talk about last time? And I can't remember because my last blog post was at least a thousand years ago. #bloggergametooweak But I've been busy working and yoloing and stuff, plus like who even cares about Ellie's blog, amirite? Can't handle all these haters :'( On the real, though, I super appreciate all the love and the fact that people actually put forth effort and suffer through every post that I author. It's an incredible show of sacrifice, selflessness, and strength. ~*inspirational*~ Speaking of inspirational, though, really, you (my readers) are so swag and too awesome. The Lord has seriously blessed me with some really cool people (including family, good friends, and awesome acquaintances) who give me strength and make me feel so good when I don't deserve it at all. Like I've said before, I am seriously a loser. A massive thank-you and bless y

Because apparently some people can't get through their thick skulls what I tried to explain last time . So, Mormon culture. If you're a dude, you have been pretty much bombarded your whole life with the mission plan. When you turned 19 you would turn in your papers and go serve the Lord for two years, no questions asked. And if that didn't happen, people automatically thought there was something wrong with you. People still jump to the conclusion that if you didn't leave on your mission right on your 19th birthday, either you were sick or you weren't worthy to go. Which happens, yeah, but really? Can we move forward from 1950 and realize that everyone has their agency and has a decision to go or not to go? And those who are unable to go due to illness or worthiness issues aren't horrible people? After a year at BYU I met a myriad of individuals, both male and female, who couldn't serve missions because of their health. Most wanted to serve very much, esp

I literally have no introduction to this post so it's probably gonna jump around a lot and be sad but you know, the Ellie Bolander way is the way of the yolo so... #yolo Today (now yesterday) was May the 4th (May the 4th be with you) and it was a blast, we dressed up and got together and watched A New Hope (arguably the best of the original trilogy) and actually spent most of the night talking about boys but what else do you expect? Nerd girls have the most active hormones, I'm pretty sure. I know for a fact they have the most pent-up sexual frustration from all their love for fictional men, but hey, at least we have fun. I've also met the coolest (and cutest) dudes because of my obnoxious  encyclopedic knowledge of all things Marvel, Doctor Who, and Hobbit. (Not LotR, unfortunately, I'm still not quite hardcore enough to delve all the way into that trilogy. Tolkein is still a little too over my head.) I just reread what I just typed and I'm not even sure. SO ANY

To accompany this post, you need to put on some headphones and play "Sometime Around Midnight" by the Airborne Toxic Event, and then put on "Sovereign Light Cafe" by Keane next. Got it? Almost ready? Good. Now that we have that taken care of, let's talk about BYU. The school year has come to an end, and as I reflect on what crazy shenanigans I took part in, I can't help but feel overjoyed, slightly sorrowful, guilty, and finally consumed with thought. I am now chilling in California enjoying a much-needed break after a ridiculously stressful, emotionally- and spiritually-stretching Freshman year, and deeply missing all the people I met, all the sights and sounds, the mundane tasks that occurred every day from September to April that I didn't think of while I was doing them but now wish I could do again, the mistakes I made, the mistakes I didn't make, and the people I wish I had more time with. I think the deepest regret a person can have is th

LIKE FURREALS WHY HAVE I NOT EVER BLOGGED ABOUT THIS BEFORE OH RIGHT BECAUSE IT HASN'T BEEN SUPER DUPER RELEVANT UNTIL RIGHT NOW Okay so let me describe to you the exotic far away place called Brigham Young University. Everyone's white. Everyone's Mormon. Everyone wants the NCMO. #shewantsthencmo #butreallytho This is so appropriate for a blog post about missions..... #whatiswrongwithme My goodness. Anyways, so missions. After the groundbreaking age change announcement made in 2012 by the prophet Thomas S. Monson, missionary work has literally EXPLODED. LDS mission applications jumped 471% in the months following the announcement. Elders and sisters alike were serving in such great numbers that new Missionary Training Centers had to be built to accommodate. BYU student housing was turned into missionary housing in Provo, Utah to accommodate those missionaries training there. There are now over 80,000 missionaries serving in more than 400 missions all over the wor