General Conference, AKA Some Really Important Mormon Stuff

Ah yes, I'm back. Look at me posting a week in a row.

THE GIFS ARE HERE TO STAY, GUYS. IF YOU HATE ME AFTER THIS POST DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST I'VE FELT SINCE PROBABLY MY 13TH BIRTHDAY.

So, do I qualify as a professional blogger now?

. . .

Well, today I am going to tell you about the deepest and most intense struggles that people will suffer through in their lifetime: The struggle for identity. It can happen any time, sometimes multiple times. If you haven't experienced this already, you've come to the right place. Some day (sooner than later, I hope for your sake) an event will occur in your life and you will start to question the motives for why you do what you do. This event may not be significant to the rest of the world, but it will cause you to look outside yourself and wonder if maybe there is more to life than whatever it is you're doing. Some fellow spiritualists might think of this as an "awakening" or maybe a "rebirth".

In my life, I've experienced this at least three separate times. Once when I was 13 years old; the months that followed Mac's death; and right now!

Alriiiight!

For the first and current experiences, there was (and is) lots of confusion, and a disorienting haze over my spirit. It is so lonely, and can be dangerous, too, because it is so easy to get lost and become unable to find a way back.

For the experience of Mac's death, however, it was intensely painful, but cathartic, too. I took it as an opportunity to do a reality check. And with that I realized how I had been neglecting my spirit, or at least all the little things I was missing that would strengthen me a great deal. It was, indeed, a rebirth.

This time, more than a year later, I'm experiencing depression (which is actually very common amongst everyone in the world because LIFE IS REALLY NOT EASY GUYS). I'm stumbling through the dark, "groping for something real, something solid..." ~ CJ Fant

My friend CJ will never live down the phrase that he wrote into his last assignment in our Creative Writing class.

 

^The best evil laugh, ever.

ANYWAYS.

While I'm wandering aimlessly, literally wandering without aim, I've discovered that I don't want to find my way without some miraculous... something... to show me the way. So, in this metaphor, I'm waiting for some brilliant light to appear on my path and safely lead me out of the mists of darkness. However, I'm quickly realizing that I need to take the first step. If I want a miracle, I gotta exercise faith to make it happen. "Faith, without works, is dead," as they say. ("They" being Jesus and the apostles.)

You can't get back on track without putting forth effort, in other words.

 

So on that note, putting forth effort, last weekend was General Conference! For those of you who are members of other sects, this is a huge worldwide conference centered in Salt Lake City, Utah that is broadcasted all over the world where the Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and other leaders of the Church speak.

So anyways, rewind to Saturday, October 6th, around 10 AM. President Monson spoke first to announce new temples, etc. And after he announced two new temples (Tuscon, AZ and Peru) he announced that effective immediately, the ages required for mission eligibility have been lowered: For young men, from 19 to18 as long as they are out of high school; and for young women, from 21 down to 19.

Okay... For members of the Church, this is HUGE. Like... Whoa. Serving a mission is a mandatory event of sorts for 19-year-old boys, and it's an optional but really great opportunity for the 21-year-old girls, too. For me and my group of friends, going on a mission is something we've kind of placed into our life plans. We go to school for a few years, then turn in our papers and when we turn 21 we go off and serve wherever the Lord has chosen.

Now, however, we have the option of going at an even younger age. This could be viewed as a wrench tossed into the gears. Another fork in the road, after so many twists and turns on the straight and narrow. But when I heard that announcement, I started crying. This is what I've been waiting for.

Seeing that the possibility of a mission is so much closer now, two years closer, in fact, put me in the perspective that real life is not that far off. And if I want to serve a mission at 19, or 20, or 21, I need to be ready. Or if Heavenly Father places my eternal companion in my life before that time, I need to be prepared to get married (ew, Heaven forbid, but just in case).

I was hoping for something to kick me in the rear and get me back on the straight and narrow road, and here it is! So starting on this very day I am gearing up to feed my spirit daily. I've been neglecting that side of me lately, and that's no good at all.

I just think it is fascinating how changes like this can unite a people, I feel so much closer to my brothers and sisters all over the world, but also how it can change an individual. This doesn't just apply to the announcements made today, it applies to all of life's obstacles. Every bump in the road is an experience sent to test us, an opportunity to make us better, which I think is a recurring theme on my blog. Trials aren't necessarily bad for us.

Love this.

SO ANYWAYS.

Even if I'm not going on a mission on exactly my 19th birthday, I still need to be spiritually prepared for anything that life throws at me. Life is kind of a jerk like that, it's like "Oh, you're completely content and at peace in your life? Well hAVE SOME EVIL INFLUENCE AND TEMPTATION AND DEATH AND SADNESS AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL THEN."

No, really, that happened one time. There was this dude named Mac... Ringing any bells?

So thanks, Life, you're really cool.

Weeeell, actually, confession... Life has been way cool to me the past few days. First, I've restrengthened my testimony of the power of scripture. Every night for the past few days I've been reading a chapter in the Book of Mormon and praying morning and night, which before Conference I had not been doing very well on. *embarrassing* But I've geared myself up for a mission, or marriage, or whatever the heck happens to me, and I've been working on my spirit and helping myself, and I can just tell you the result has been astounding.

Like, I'm just so excited about it I talk about it every day. A few nights of reading scripture and praying earnestly has made me brand new. I love that feeling so, so much. :)

Aaaand another confession. There's this guy... (Isn't that always how these things end up?)

No, really. There's this guy. I won't name any names, I won't make any love proclamations, but oh man. Out of the blue, he asks me out. At first I was really tentative because I had kind of given up on dating. If you haven't noticed, my track record for basically my whole life has not been very successful. But I gave him a shot, and he is one of the most hilarious, gorgeous, fascinating people I've ever had the pleasure to associate with. Is that creepy? This sounds a little creepy. I guess I'm just over-analyzing everything I say because he might be reading this. (Hi, stupid face!)

Um, yes. We have an interesting relationship.

But anyways. You are pretty well aware that me and boys don't ever get along, at all. It just never seems to work out. But for whatever silly reasons I have, I always always always get back out there and risk getting hurt again because maybe this time it will be worth it. And every single time, I get pummeled to the ground and left by myself, once again. So I stopped trying. I resolved that I would be alone for the rest of my life and I would never be truly happy and I would be that girl at my friends' weddings who would be all bitter and eventually I would be a cat lady, except I'm allergic to cats so I would probably get sea monkeys because they're cheaper.

That was lengthy.

And so I made this resolution, I was determined that no man would ever rule my life. Except, you know, Jesus. But it's true, I won't let anyone ever rule my life. I just wanted to be a free bird and fly on my own. But something really valuable that I've realized tonight while writing this is that maybe you can dare to fly higher if someone is right there flying beside you.

And now I'm crying.

Gosh what even, where are all these feels COMING FROM.

I watched Avengers earlier, maybe I am just on an Avengers high, I don'T EVEN KNOW, I JUST CAN'T HANDLE ALL THESE FEELS, GUYS.

WHAT THE POOP.

SKL:Jglkhg

Continuing my rant, yes. This dude is one fly bro and he's a dork and I hate him and he's fantastic and has pleasing features.

*End rant*

So now, I'm gonna circle back to something I mentioned before, about my relentless hurt cycle. I just threw myself at dudes over and over and got hurt over and over and it was no bueno. But tonight I came home to an incredible note that my friend Elysse left me regarding a Facebook status of mine.

Yes, thank you, me.

So Elysse said something that also made me cry (what is even wrong with me, UGH):

You're telling me that caring is worth it because even if you break your heart, at least you changed it and it's not just sitting there doing nothing. And I think "jeeze. if anyone could tell me to love anyway, it's Ellie."

You're the best, really. I didn't know what to say to the rest of her message because I was just so overcome.

If you don't mind me being a little narcissistic, here's how I'm feeling right now. I see all the trials I've faced, and all the depression and pain regarding my soft and vulnerable heart. But no matter how many dudes stamp my feelings into the dirt, I always get back up to the plate. Over and over I do that, and I never realized that me doing that meant anything to anyone until tonight.

Maybe it's just because what I said is what Elysse needed to hear. Or maybe other people feel the same way she does. But regardless of how they feel, Elysse opened my eyes and made me cry and made me like myself a little bit more.

Like, dang. I guess I'm alright.

And on that note, I end this week's installment of the adventures of Ellie and all her feels about wonderful people.

Because once every so often, you meet someone (or multiple someones) who makes you feel good, and helps you to remember to be glad that you're alive.

So thank you for that.

Your Favorite Awkward Dorky Blogger,
Ellie

P.S. Update: Our ward split today. AGAIN. So Palmer Divide Ward has been renamed Jackson Creek Ward, and we split to create High Forest Ward. Yay. Exciting. It'll be strange to have a smaller ward.  But, I already know so many good things will come of it. It's gonna be fantastic. :)