Ellie's Feelings Deli

Wow, I'm the crappiest blogger ever. Because if you haven't noticed, my last post was almost 5 months ago. #winning Well, I'm back. And hopefully here to stay. Hold in your wailing and gnashing of teeth, you thought you were rid of me but I'm not going anywhere. So suck it. Ughjshgt;kahtjksgh this is how professional I am at writing, guys. I just hit the keyboard a few times while I cry and I just ugh. There are going to be a lot of "ugh"s in this post. Brace yourselves. UGH. Okay. Wow. Hello, angsty gross me. It's been a while. Alright, now that all that's out and I'm mostly done crying we're gonna actually talk about some stuff. Well, actually, I'm gonna talk about some stuff and you're gonna read about it and gossip to your friends about me and my fabulous sweaters and how I get all fangirly because Doctor Who and Avengers and Loki and I don't remember where I was going with that so I just stopped. A huge apology to...

SEE WHAT I DID THERE. WORD UP. It's been a while, kids. Hrrm hrrm. Yeah, no, I'm really sorry about the whole ignoring my blog for like a year thing... I'm just really lazy. Not really. Well, I am, but life got in the way, school got crazy busy and then finals week was literally like burning in the fiery pits of the adversary. And then Prom... Actually, kids, take note. If you ever find yourself planning your own prom, just stop. Stop it. Give all the frilly flowery junk to your mom and make a smoothie or something because DANG planning your own prom is the most stressful thing you will have to do as a teenager. Srsly. So anyways... Hi! Man, I have a lot to catch up on. I don't even know where to start! Errm... Let's start with the "shortish and about men" comment I made last post. Remember? The comment I made four months ago? Or whatever. Men. Right. So there's this guy. He's basically one of my favorite people, ever. His name is S...

I tried writing this post but it was just gross, so I'm writing again to make my amends. (Rhyme) California is a wonderful place full of joy and magic and sunshine and sweat and bikinis and smog. Also, I love it. For our New Years, my family and I traveled to California by car (death) to escape the cold and get sunburned and go to Disneyland. I'm only going to touch on a few experiences that I had and the feelings that accompanied those experiences. First: Driving on the freeway. (Haha, what an exciting life I lead.) We passed the exit to Mac's town. I teared up a little bit but managed to hold it in. That first night, I went outside on the driveway and stood in the exact spot where Mac and I had been. That driveway was the last place I saw Mac alive. Somehow, being there made me feel closer to him, more connected to his spirit, and more in tune with my own. I spent many lonely nights out there, channeling my sadness and trying to find my happiness again. Second...

"Because cold nostalgia chills me to the bone..." ~ "Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City, AKA the greatest love song ever written. Or maybe that's just me. This post is super confusing for me because I'm not talking about a specific event or specific time period. I'm basically dedicating one post to everything that happened between August 21st and now. We'll see in the end if this is a mild fender bender or a literary wreck. So! Let's start with the rest of August. It was basically legit. The Sunday after Ed Week, Wendy (mentioned in the first Ed Week post) used me as her object lesson in Mia Maids. HAHAHA... No, seriously. She did. It was awesome and I cried about it because it was so nice. Also on that Sunday we had Stake Standards Night! Let me just warn you, if we ever get into a conversation about the Law of Chastity-slash-dating-slash- men-slash-women, I will get crazy. I am very passionate when it comes to these topics becaus...

Brigham Young University is seriously a place of magic and wonder. Can you tell that I love BYU? Because I do. Hot Mormon men + freedom + The College Experience = Ellie's Dream Life. $20 says I won't live my dream life... People rarely do. And on that heart-crushing note... Imagine yourself in Heritage Halls at BYU on August 17th, 2011. It was a nice day with the sun creeping through the spaces in the blinds. I finally woke up and did my hair all pretty and straight, then my brother and I ventured over to Brother Adam McBride's class in the Spencer W. Kimball Tower. I remember thinking, "I don't want to go to this class, it doesn't apply to my life at all." I was very resentful of the teen dating classes and the basic doctrine classes, because I wanted the hard stuff. (Haha.) I wanted to go deep with Gospel teachings, not just Primary stuff. But, since Brother McBride is an old friend of my dad's, Seth and I agreed to go. And let me s...

Waking up after a bad night's sleep is never fun. Especially when your best friend died the day before. And on that depressing note... There I was, bright and early on a Monday morning. 5:30, to be exact. Lexi had woken and was getting ready for her first day back at school, and so I sat on her floor in our makeshift bed of sheets and pillows and cried a little bit. Her mom came in and said, "Hang in there." All I can think of when I hear those words is that little poster of a kitten holding on to a tree branch looking depressed and adorable at the same time. Lexi's wonderful cousin, Vanessa, came in and we talked for a long time about BYU-I, then I got to talk to Bree (Lexi's other cousin, Vanessa's little sister, mentioned in a previous post). Quote from my journal that morning: "It's just incomprehensible to think that I won't see him or talk to him or hold him for a long time." I then went home, packed for our Utah t...

Babies are adorable, and that's a fact. That was the dumbest blog opener I've ever written... I need to work on that. So guess what today is!? TODAY is December 1st. It is snowing. It is cold. And it is MacLean Whittle's birthday! He would've been 17 today. I'm sure he is partying HARD on the other side! So let me just tell you about this experience I had last night. I have been dreading today for a long time, because I thought I would be a wreck, crying in a corner with mascara and snot all over my face and using boxes of tissues and watching chick flicks while eating See's Candy. But last night, I stayed up til 11 writing a hymn arrangement furiously. That hymn arrangement is now 5 pages long, oh yes. Officially it's my first song ever written for piano! Yay! Anyways, I was preparing it to play in seminary today, which was canceled due to snow. (Whatever.) So last night I finished it, and I felt so accomplished that I wanted to sing really loud a...