Ellie's Feelings Deli

. . . And man, do I hope they do. So I'm sitting here at my computer working on some sheets. Sheet music, that is. I finally decided on a project for Young Women in Excellence, a little program we do once a year to show off all the pretty things we made from Pinterest and what we've accomplished. I'm excited because I get to show off my piano music I've been working on for the past year, which means finishing three songs in one day! Like a boss. So that should be tricky. But anyways, I am not writing this to brag about my talents. I'm writing to let out my frustrations and also talk about Thanksgiving! So we'll start with the happy, non-frustrating things. THANKSGIVING! One of the greatest holidays there is, I think. A whole week to celebrate food and worry about weight. Awesome. But really, Thanksgiving is fantastic. Last Sunday, I was in this kind of emotional funk and I wasn't sure how exactly to get out of it. I was trapped in the sad. ...

Hellooooo! It's late, my contacts are killing my eyes, I'm way tired, and having three really awesome conversations with three really awesome people (Elysse, Taylor, Cheyenne). I was sitting on the couch and reblogging some Avengers stuff on Tumblr when I looked next to me on the couch and it was empty and the basement was dimly lit and it was cold and I was like, Man, this is usually how it is. I usually end up at home by myself and obsessively latch to the internet to feed my growing need to be communicating with people 24/7. So tonight was one of those nights, right, I'm juss chillin' like a villain in my (wo)man cave and I was like, Man, I'm lonely right now. And I look to my right and the plaid cotton stretches away from me for miles and miles, and it's cold and untouched, and I'm like I really need to stop thinking deeply about couches So then this line shows up in my head: "I long for you to come inside the loneliness where I reside....

Ah yes, I'm back. Look at me posting a week in a row. THE GIFS ARE HERE TO STAY, GUYS. IF YOU HATE ME AFTER THIS POST DEAL WITH IT BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST I'VE FELT SINCE PROBABLY MY 13TH BIRTHDAY. So, do I qualify as a professional blogger now? . . . Well, today I am going to tell you about the deepest and most intense struggles that people will suffer through in their lifetime: The struggle for identity. It can happen any time, sometimes multiple times. If you haven't experienced this already, you've come to the right place. Some day (sooner than later, I hope for your sake) an event will occur in your life and you will start to question the motives for why you do what you do. This event may not be significant to the rest of the world, but it will cause you to look outside yourself and wonder if maybe there is more to life than whatever it is you're doing. Some fellow spiritualists might think of this as an "awakening" or maybe a "rebi...

Wow, I'm the crappiest blogger ever. Because if you haven't noticed, my last post was almost 5 months ago. #winning Well, I'm back. And hopefully here to stay. Hold in your wailing and gnashing of teeth, you thought you were rid of me but I'm not going anywhere. So suck it. Ughjshgt;kahtjksgh this is how professional I am at writing, guys. I just hit the keyboard a few times while I cry and I just ugh. There are going to be a lot of "ugh"s in this post. Brace yourselves. UGH. Okay. Wow. Hello, angsty gross me. It's been a while. Alright, now that all that's out and I'm mostly done crying we're gonna actually talk about some stuff. Well, actually, I'm gonna talk about some stuff and you're gonna read about it and gossip to your friends about me and my fabulous sweaters and how I get all fangirly because Doctor Who and Avengers and Loki and I don't remember where I was going with that so I just stopped. A huge apology to...

SEE WHAT I DID THERE. WORD UP. It's been a while, kids. Hrrm hrrm. Yeah, no, I'm really sorry about the whole ignoring my blog for like a year thing... I'm just really lazy. Not really. Well, I am, but life got in the way, school got crazy busy and then finals week was literally like burning in the fiery pits of the adversary. And then Prom... Actually, kids, take note. If you ever find yourself planning your own prom, just stop. Stop it. Give all the frilly flowery junk to your mom and make a smoothie or something because DANG planning your own prom is the most stressful thing you will have to do as a teenager. Srsly. So anyways... Hi! Man, I have a lot to catch up on. I don't even know where to start! Errm... Let's start with the "shortish and about men" comment I made last post. Remember? The comment I made four months ago? Or whatever. Men. Right. So there's this guy. He's basically one of my favorite people, ever. His name is S...

I tried writing this post but it was just gross, so I'm writing again to make my amends. (Rhyme) California is a wonderful place full of joy and magic and sunshine and sweat and bikinis and smog. Also, I love it. For our New Years, my family and I traveled to California by car (death) to escape the cold and get sunburned and go to Disneyland. I'm only going to touch on a few experiences that I had and the feelings that accompanied those experiences. First: Driving on the freeway. (Haha, what an exciting life I lead.) We passed the exit to Mac's town. I teared up a little bit but managed to hold it in. That first night, I went outside on the driveway and stood in the exact spot where Mac and I had been. That driveway was the last place I saw Mac alive. Somehow, being there made me feel closer to him, more connected to his spirit, and more in tune with my own. I spent many lonely nights out there, channeling my sadness and trying to find my happiness again. Second...

"Because cold nostalgia chills me to the bone..." ~ "Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City, AKA the greatest love song ever written. Or maybe that's just me. This post is super confusing for me because I'm not talking about a specific event or specific time period. I'm basically dedicating one post to everything that happened between August 21st and now. We'll see in the end if this is a mild fender bender or a literary wreck. So! Let's start with the rest of August. It was basically legit. The Sunday after Ed Week, Wendy (mentioned in the first Ed Week post) used me as her object lesson in Mia Maids. HAHAHA... No, seriously. She did. It was awesome and I cried about it because it was so nice. Also on that Sunday we had Stake Standards Night! Let me just warn you, if we ever get into a conversation about the Law of Chastity-slash-dating-slash- men-slash-women, I will get crazy. I am very passionate when it comes to these topics becaus...